Barry Bonds: Disgusted by Cheating in Baseball
LOS ANGELES, CA — The legendary hitter sounded off on the Astros cheating scandal after leaving a restaurant in downtown Los Angeles.
“It’s sad to see what baseball has come to: A sport where everyone is trying to out-cheat each other. Now you hear that the Red Sox may have also been stealing signs when they won their series… It’s truly sad. Ya know, back when I played, this kind of stuff never happened. We respected the written and unwritten rules of the game. We had great players like Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire. They were fantastic ball players, but even better men off the field. I am proud to have played alongside such men of integrity They were the kind of guys who didn’t need any extra help to win ball games.”
The former Giant collected his thoughts as he rubbed the back of his disproportionately large head. His pumpkin sized brain container glistened with testosterone-laced sweat.
“Baseball was ruined for me a long time ago with all the steroid witch hunts. Where are all the witch hunts now to stop people from actually cheating… I don’t watch games anymore. The only live sports I watch anymore are the Super Bowl and competitive cycling. Man, I love cycling. It’s been such a therapeutic release for me after retiring from baseball. Good way to avoid traffic and get some fresh air here in LA. And at its core, cycling is a pure sport, free from the prolific greed and cheating that plagues professional baseball.”
