Bob Meyers: I Should’ve Seen Klay’s Injury Coming

OAKLAND, CA — A bleary-eyed Bob Meyers took the stand for the second time in a week to inform the public that another one his players had sustained a catastrophic injury. An MRI scan confirmed that Klay Thompson had indeed, torn his ACL in the third quarter of Game 6.

After notably breaking down in tears when revealing Kevin Durant’s injury, the Warriors GM fell victims to his emotions once again. For the second time, Meyers placed the blame on himself for the injury to one of his players. “I know, as a GM, I have no say in determining the playing time of our players. Those decisions are entirely at the discretion of the coaching staff. But, I can’t help but feel like I could have done more to prevent these injuries from happening. I should’ve have gone to medical school and become an orthopedic surgeon, so that I would’ve been able to personally diagnose KD’s health before the game. I would have never allowed sweet Kevin to put the team before his own health like that. After KD’s injury, I should have known. I should have known another big one was coming. We were down in the series and our guys were going to recklessly put their bodies on the line to win it all. God, why did I allow them to play their hardest…That’s a question I’ll ask myself for the rest of my life. Family doesn’t let family get hurt playing contact sports.” At this point, Meyers pulled out a cat o’ nine tails whip and attempted to self-flagellate, until the weapon was wrestled from his grasp by Warriors personal.

The Warriors executive took several lengthy pauses throughout his press conference to hysterically sob into the podium.  It was hard to discern what the distraught executive was saying during these uncontrollable fits of anguish, but it sounded like he was saying, “Why Kevin…Why Klay…Oh God, just tell me why…” By the end of his statement, Meyers had entirely drained a 32-oz bottle of water and used the entirety of an extra-large, extra absorbent box of Kleenex tissues.