Bucs Fan Visibly Erect Getting Paper
TAMPA BAY, FL — A Buccaneers fan was spotted Wednesday morning with a large erection as he stepped out of his house to grab his Tampa Bay Times newspaper. The middle-aged man emerged from his home, coffee mug in hand, a little before 7:45 AM. Dawn had gracefully transitioned into the tranquility of the early morning. The dew reflected the sun’s rays like glassy beads. Iguanas basked in the fresh warmth. Birds sang their melodious, morning carols.
The man squinted as he adjusted to the bright Florida sun. His red bath robe matched his official Tampa Bay Buccaneers pajama pants, which hung just above a pair of pink bunny slippers. The slippers had been given to him last winter as a joke; however he secretly quite liked them. In fact, he was considering purchasing a second pair as the ones he was currently sporting had begun to show signs of wear. After his eyes had adjusted to the light, the man contorted his body into a ferocious stretch. He unleashed a mighty yawn as his arms reached towards the vanishing stars. His erect penis was now on full display as its horizontality lay in strike contrast to the vertical nature of his stretching routine. The man paused to scratch himself. His wiener continued to boldly resist the downward drag of his pajama pants. The result was a cartoonish drape around the outline of his bulge. But the man cared not. He continued to sip his coffee with a sense of apathetical smugness.
At the end of the driveway there should be newspaper, but on this particular Wednesday morning, the paper was not there. It was late. The man did not complain or grumble. He was content to nurse his piping hot coffee as he awaited the arrival of his local news. After about five minutes, the man spotted the paperboy at the entrance to his neighborhood. The boy methodically worked his way down the street, carefully ensuring that all of his paying customers received their newspapers. His bicycle allowed him to cover ground quickly. At long last he arrived at the man’s house.
“Mornin’ Timmy! How about those Bucs??”
The boy reared to a halt in front of the man’s house.
“I can’t believe they pulled it off, Mister Perry.”
The boy pulled his bike to the side and engaged the kick stand. He fumbled for the man’s paper in his bag before walking it up the driveway.
“After I heard the news last night, I went to bed like this.” *the man gestured to his outfit from top to bottom*
The boy grimaced as his eyes rested on the man’s still, very erect penis.
“Uh…I sure hope not.” The boy quickly hurried back to his bike and set off down the street.
“See you around, Timmy!” The boy did not respond.
The man removed the paper from its plastic sleeve. He immediately flipped to the sports page.
“Ah well I’ll be. Tom fucking Brady on the Tampa Buccaneers. I never thought I’d see the day. Had to see it for myself in the Times before I’d truly believe it. What a time to be alive…”
The man gently tapped the broad side of the newspaper against his open palm as he stared over the grounds of his front lawn. “Fuck yeah, we got Brady,” he whispered to himself. The man whistled a cheery tune as he turned around back towards his home. The morning wood wobbled stiffly in his pajama pants like a recently used diving board as he made his way up the driveway. There was nothing in the world that could dampen the man’s mood. Not on this perfect morning with Tom Brady coming to town. It was truly a glorious day to be a Bucs fan.
