Darius Slay to Loses All Respect for Patricia After Hot Dog Incident
DETROIT, MI — To Darius Slay, the trade was a long time coming. The Pro Bowl cornerback was not surprised to learn that he had been shipped to Philadelphia for a third and fifth round pick, a seemingly cheap price for a three-time Pro Bowler. The Lions may have found a better deal had they shopped around more, but the team was not interested in wasting anymore time. Urgency took precedence to shrewd negotiation as both sides were eager to part ways. Although grateful to the organization that had drafted him, Slay was thankful to be moving on to the next chapter in his career. The situation he was leaving behind in Detroit was uncomfortable to say the least and toxic in a more equitable sense.
Speaking to reporters after the move was official, Slay described the communication breakdown between himself and Lions head coach, Matt Patricia that had developed over the course of last season. The NFL star described several incidents that led to the insurmountable rift in their relationship.
Incident #1: Slay claims Patricia wore a navy suit, cognac belt, black shoes, and a bolo tie to the funeral of his grandmother.
“He’s going to my grandmother’s funeral, not a square dance. He looked like a rodeo clown. I expected him to have a flower on his lapel that shot water. Does the man not own any mirrors?? He makes way too much money to look that unintentionally ridiculous. It was nice of him to come though. I just found it hard to focus on the ceremony with him looking like a buffoon.”
Incident #2: Slay discovered that Patricia eats hot dogs “hamburger style.”
“Why would anyone go against the natural approach of eating a hot dog. You eat it lengthwise, starting at one end of the dog and eating your way down to the other end. That’s why it’s called HOT DOG STYLE. Eating a hot dog hamburger style is a pure lunacy. It is a desperate person’s way of begging for attention. You can’t even eat it efficiently that way. It’s not an ear of corn. Oh and get this, he puts all his toppings underneath the dog so they don’t go spilling out everywhere. He puts his ketchup, relish, onions, pineapple, and whipped cream all underneath. They all marinate together under there forming a big glob of mashed toppings. Then he wonders why his bun is all soggy and the sauce drips everywhere… It’s disgusting. And don’t even get me started on those last two toppings…There is a long list of acceptable hot dog toppings and pineapple and whipped cream are not on it. It gets worse around Halloween too. He starts loading up his dogs with candy corn. Even on his breakfast dogs! I can’t imagine what other kind of weird shit he’s into if he’s wolfing down candy corn and pineapple hot dogs. He should be on a watchlist.”
Incident #3: Patricia calls Slay out during a team meeting.
The final straw for Slay occurred when Patricia called out the cornerback during a team meeting. The coach blasted the Pro Bowler for posting a picture on social media with a receiver that had beaten him multiple times in practice. The Lions coach told Slay to “stop sucking that man’s dick.” “That was the final straw. Before the dick sucking comment, he was just a weird, fat guy with a strange sense of humor, ya know? I didn’t quite understand him, but hey, that shouldn’t prevent us from having a good professional relationship. I put my best foot forward. After the dick sucking ‘joke’ he revealed himself to be a petty man-child. Good luck with that Detroit, I’m out of here.”
