Jim Boeheim Announces Rubber Underwear Sponsorship with Pampers
SYRACUSE, NY– Jim Boeheim’s offseason is off to great start. The 74-year-old Syracuse coach tweeted last night that he had signed a deal to be the face of Pampers’s new adult collection. The baby product brand decided last December that they would be expanding into adult diapers and other geriatric care products. A spokeswoman for the Proctor & Gamble company had this to say about the deal:
“We are proud to welcome Coach Boeheim to the Pampers family! Jim has shown interest in adult diapers for a long time. He has expressed disappointment at the current selection of geriatric diapers on the market. Coach has tried out various brands, but has been unable to find one that cooperates with his active lifestyle. He is excited to be working with us on his signature brand of reusable, rubber underwear: the UnderHeims.
We will be releasing the UnderHeims in two variants: Casual and GameDay. The GameDay edition will feature an extraordinary stretch and be VERY absorbent for those crunch time accidents. The GameDay UnderHeims are capable of absorbing up to two full standard water bottles worth of liquid. Perfect for anyone working in the yard on a hot day or coaching against the #1 team in the country. It is recommended that you wash the UnderHeims after every accident.”
As part of the deal, Boeheim must demonstrate the absorbent properties of the GameDay UnderHeims during every Syracuse home game where the point spread is less than five points. Here are some testimonies from early GameDay UnderHeim users:
“Whenever I watch a long movie or a football game, I just put a stack of GameDay UnderHeims by my Laz-E Boy. Never have to get up once. I just toss the wet UnderHeims in that Home Depot bucket over there. Sometimes I make a game of it and pretend to shoot baskets. Would highly recommend.”
-Gregory, 82
“I know, being rubber and all, they are designed to hold a lot of piss, but they can sure handle a lot of shit too! Haha!”
-Dirty Larry, 67
“I’ve worn these probably a dozen times and had twice as many accidents. How many times do you think I’ve washed them? If you guess wrong, you gotta put em on your head and cut out lil eyeholes so you look like a luchador.”
-Dennis, 78
