New Knicks Prez: So uh, which one is Carmelo?
NEW YORK, NY — Days after ingratiating himself with one of professional sports longest suffering fanbases, the new president of the New York Knicks found himself in another unfortunate PR mishap.
On Wednesday night, Leon Rose attended his first game at Madison Square Garden as president of the New York Knicks. The president was met with half-hearted applause in an arena that was nearly empty. One overzealous fan attempted to throw a half empty can of Coors Light at Rose but had apparently watched too many Giants games. In true Eli Manning fashion, the can badly missed its intended target and struck a pregnant lady in the head. The woman was not harmed, but security insisted on escorting her from the game. She was not issued a refund. Meanwhile, the golden armed fan was savagely beaten by James Dolan’s goons. When they had finished kicking his teeth in, the goons dragged his lifeless body out of MSG. His family is still searching for his whereabouts. The Madison Square Garden Company have not issued an official statement on the matter.
In a matter of moments, the two correlated incidents had decreased the home crowd by 50%. This was a better reaction to their new hire than the Knicks front office had anticipated.
Rose took his seat in the front row next to Dolan and asked the owner:
“So uh, which one of these guys is Carmelo? As the new president I would love to introduce myself after the game.” The president’s question echoed off the walls of the empty arena. The last remaining Knicks fan headed for the exit. A Hornets fan, the last fan in attendance, howled with laughter.
Dolan scrunched his forehead and squinted at the court. He then took a big gulp for his large Diet Coke and accentuated it with a drawn out “Ahhhhhhh.” He swished the ice in his cup before squinting at the players on the court again.
“You know, I’m not sure. I think he’s number 23.”
“Are you sure, I don’t remember him being 7 feet tall.”
“Hmm…” *Swishes the ice again and takes another sip* “Ahhhhh… Yeah I’m pretty sure.”
