LeBron Invites Fans to Watch Him Jerk Off to His Own Highlights
LOS ANGELES, CA — After missing the news cycle for a record 72 straight hours, LeBron James hatched a brilliant plan to thrust himself back into the public spotlight.
Pundits called the stunt a desperate cry for attention. Fans begged him to release it on the same day ESPN airs their Michael Jordan documentary. Meanwhile, haters cynically asked him to breakdown his performance in the 2011 Finals. Regardless of the perception, the reaction was resounding enough to convince James to move forward with the project.
Since the initial tweet, LeBron has made a number of mysterious posts on social media alluding to his progress on the documentary. On Instagram, LeBron posted a picture of his “livestream battle station.” The image prominently featured three glowing computer monitors, a desktop microphone, a two-pack of Lubriderm Intense Skin Repair, a single discolored Nike crew sock, and a box of HotHands hand warmers atop a wooden L-shaped desk. On one of the computer monitors was a paused recording of the final game in the 2016 NBA Finals. The caption reads “We about to go off!” followed by a groaning Emoji and the water droplets Emoji.
A follow up tweet hours later depicted the same computer workstation. This time, the monitors were shut off and the only source of light emanated from a desk lamp. Illuminated by the faint light was a notepad and the aforementioned crew sock. Attentive viewers could see the NBA star’s notes which read: “My back should have hurt a lot more after how hard I carried this team.” Underneath the note was an infinity sign traced over multiple times, an obvious sign that James had been keeping his mind active with Brain Gym lazy 8s while going over film. In addition, the nondescript Nike sock seems to have been moved from where it was previously and the toe of the sock also appeared to be glistening. The caption reads “Done for the night, so many memories! #WOW” followed by a sleeping Emoji.
Other than what James has revealed on social media, the project remains shrouded in mystery. However, it is clear the future Hall of Famer is having A LOT of fun with it.
