NOT AGAIN: Jalen Ramsey Slips Disc Opening Facility Door

JACKSONVILLE, FL — Jalen Ramsey was once again unavailable to practice Tuesday. After a miraculous, one day recovery from the flu, the Jacksonville cornerback injured himself on his way to practice. Ramsey claims that he “reached for the facility door and felt a searing pain emanate from his lower back.” Jalen then collapsed in agony on the front step of the training facility. Witnesses say they saw the NFL player crawl to his car and proceed to drive himself off of the premises.

“I didn’t see what happened, but he just dropped like fly in front of the Jags facility. Next thing ya know, he was screaming in pain and draggin’ himself to his car. Some people offered to help, but he blew them off. Awful strange, the whole thing, if you ask me,” – Seany Lee Tubbard, witness and lifelong Jaguars fan.

Ramsey had apparently driven himself to his childhood doctor, Whalen Jamsley, for an evaluation. The prognosis was not good. Jamsley diagnosed Ramsey’s injury as a herniated disc in his lower back. The recovery time table for an injury of this nature is typically 6 weeks. However, Dr. Jamsely has advised extra caution. “The only true recovery from a stress related injury such as this is a $75 million contract extension with 70% guaranteed money or a trade to New England.”