Rudy Gobert Grosses Out Soup Kitchen Hours Before Coronavirus
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Hours before the talented center tested positive for coronavirus, Rudy Gobert fed the homeless at the Hungry Heart soup kitchen in downtown Salt Lake City. While his joking approach to the spread of the illness has earned him the contempt of many casual fans and media pundits, the staff at Hungry Heart were not surprised. During Gobert’s visit, the staff was alarmed by the center’s cavalier attitude toward kitchen hygiene.
“Well, first of all, he refused to wear gloves, insisting that it’s ‘a French thing.’ I went to culinary school in France for five years and barehanding food in the kitchen is most certainly not ‘a French thing.’” The 38-year-old founder and head chef of Hungry Heart, Marie Gustav, paused to clumsily adjust her square, black rimmed glasses. Although the chef radiated a sanguine demeanor, her resentment towards the NBA player was overtly apparent. “I do not want to see him in my kitchen ever again.”
Marie recounted her initial excitement when she heard that Gobert was coming to serve food. “I thought it would be such a treat for our regulars to have a local professional athlete come in. Plus, he is French, so I thought maybe he had some family recipes to share with us… I was thrilled.” However, the enthusiasm for Gobert’s visit quickly soured after the Eiffel Tower disgusted everyone with his poor kitchen etiquette.
Gobert’s refusal to wear gloves was just the first in a string of incidents that tainted his visit to Hungry Heart. Multiple volunteers claim the center would taste test all of the broths by dipping his fingers into the soup and thoroughly sucking the broth off of each digit. Sometimes he even went for seconds. On several occasions he also asked other volunteers if they “wanted a taste” before offering them a soupy finger.
“It was just gross,” A twenty-year volunteer from the charity admitted. He went on to disclose his unfortunate soup tasting encounter with Gobert: “There were ladles right next to him, which I pointed out, but he said, ‘No, no, I’m not going to dirty up a clean spoon when I’ve got two soup samplers right here.’ Then he held up his index fingers and curled them like little crab claws before dunking them into the soup. He even made a little ‘sploop’ sound effect. It was all a big joke to him. He was completely oblivious to how insensitive and disgusting he was being.”
The volunteer was then informed that Gobert had tested positive for COVID-19. “So, the man who was just diagnosed with coronavirus was here yesterday and wrist-deep in the soup we served to the homeless? Wonderful…”
Another volunteer claimed that Gobert insisted on smelling all of the fresh produce. “He would essentially put his nose on the vegetable and take a big whiff, like a four to five second inhale, before deeply exhaling ALL OVER the food. And he would always say something like, ‘Ahhhhhh that is a good, fresh carrot, no?’ before scooping up the vegetable with his bare hands and dropping it into the pot. He did that with every single one.”
Many of the homeless diners were rightfully terrified that they could be infected with the virus. However, one of the frequent attendees, who goes by the name of “Jim,” had a different concern about his Hungry Heart experience.
“I’d lick Gobert’s soupy, infected fingers clean if they’d stop playing the fucking Bruce Springsteen song. I know it’s the name of the organization and kind of their theme song, but it’s not even one of the his better songs. I’ve been coming here for years and I’ve never heard them play another Springsteen song. It’s getting a bit ridiculous.”
