Harden Blames Refs for Parking Ticket
OAKLAND, CA — A distraught James Harden took the stand Sunday evening to accuse the referees of negatively influencing the outcome of the game. The Rockets star began with some legitimate criticism about the consistency in calls.
“I don’t know how you see that play and not blow the whistle. I got that call all season and now it changes in the playoffs?”
The play Harden was referring to was his game tying, three-point attempt with 10 seconds left. The Rockets star attempted to draw the foul when he dropkicked Draymond Green during a shot attempt. The flop artist was irate when his ruse failed to fool the officials. However, Harden’s complaints quickly eroded into paranoia. The NBA star made some bizarre claims about how he believes referees are interfering in his personal life. Harden claims that an NBA referee conspiracy has resulted in parking tickets, ambulances, and missed dinner dates.
James began telling the story of how he was running late for a date in downtown Houston. He recalls speeding to make a light he saw a man that looked like Mike Callahan arrive at a pedestrian crosswalk. The man made eye contact with Harden and then pressed the crosswalk button, which immediately changed the traffic light to yellow. Harden slammed on his brake to avoid running the red light. The referee then slowly walked across and made a shushing gesture at the NBA player. Further down the road, a man that appeared to be David Guthrie did the same thing. Harden believes it is very unlikely that this is a mere coincidence. It was likely a coordinated effort to torpedo his romantic pursuits. Harden arrived 45 minutes late to dinner and was unable to find his date.
On another occasion, Harden pulled into a Houston area Burger King at approximately 1 AM. This particular Burger King was experiencing difficulties with its drive-thru system. Therefore, the NBA player was required to leave his vehicle. Harden’s order took no longer than 10 minutes. Upon returning to his car, Harden was greeted by a police officer writing him a citation. The Rockets star had mistakenly parked in a designated handicapped spot. The officer told Harden that someone had called in an anonymous tip about a Black Escalade parked in a handicapped spot at this Burger King. The tipster also asked the police officer to pass on the message “Go Warriors.” At that moment, James saw a shadowy figure across the street that appeared to be referee Scott Foster in a trench coat. The figure promptly disappeared into the night after making eye contact with Harden.
Finally, James recounted the numerous times he has been harassed at restaurants by EMTs looking for a “6’5 choking black man with a large beard.” These incidents have been recurring since the Rockets were beaten by the Warriors in Game 7 of last year’s playoffs. Harden suspects the referees are behind these 911 pranks calls as well. A representative from the National Basketball Referee Association declined to comment on Harden’s outlandish claims.
