Patriots Fans Stay to Boo Team After Loss
FOXBOROUGH, MA — Patriots fans let their boos rain down on the home team after a disappointing outing that resulted in New England’s second straight loss. While the Patriots will (likely) still have a first-round bye, their three losses significantly damage their chance of keeping home field advantage late in the playoffs. Yesterday’s loss also ended the Patriots’ streak of 21 consecutive home victories.
Patriots fans are frustrated.
“The Pats don’t lose at home. I’m disgusted to call this my team. Boston deserves better.” Sixty-five-year-old, Donny Dorfman, punctuated his final statement by spitting into his extra-large, Patriots themed souvenir cup. He rattled the ice in his cup as he ruminated over the Patriots performance. Sweat dripped down onto his furrowed brow. It does not appear he thinks this hard very often. After an uncomfortably long silence, the wizened philosopher spoke: “Eh…*burps* fuggin refs, always cheating us.” Donny then took a big sip from his cup, clearly forgetting that was the soda cup he had previous spit into. Perhaps he did know, perhaps he just didn’t care.
The game had ended hours ago, now only the angriest of Boston fans remain to scream their obscenities at an empty sea of grass.
“Learn to throw the fucking football Tom! I’m sick of seeing you limp-wrist the ball around like a goddamn Nancy! Bledsoe’s my favorite Patriot anyway. He certainly wouldn’t have lost this game.”
The nine-year old girl paused her slew of profanity to take a slurp from her blue raspberry ICEE. Her oversized Tom Brady jersey looked more like an ill-fitted dress than a shirt as it draped below her knees. She would have to be 15 years older to have any hope of remembering Drew Bledsoe in a Patriots uniform.
Donny pointed to the field with a single stubby sausage finger. “I used to come here with my pops. Back then, the Patriots sucked and we didn’t care enough to scream at ‘em. Would’ve been a waste of air. Instead we would pee into our stadium cups and dump it on the them as they ran in for halftime. Can’t get away with that anymore. Now we just berate them until they leave the stadium. It’s funny how things have changed. Sometimes, I like to sneak in here after a fight with the missus and scream all sorts of horrible things at the field. I find it therapeutic in a non-traditional sense. When I come here on gamedays I’ll forget who I’m supposed to be screaming at until the people sittin’ in front of me ask, ‘Buddy, who the hell is Jessica? Shut up and watch the game.’ Hahaha.
Three losses with three games left to go… We could easily end the season with six losses. Shitty teams like the Jets dream of only having six losses, but not us. Pats fans like to hold themselves to a higher standard. But I fear…The writing is on the wall, bub. We’re livin’ in the last days of Rome. I don’t know if I could ever go back to rooting for a shitty team, not after all this winning. And especially not without my pops… and a couple of halftime piss cups.”