Phoenix Suns Draft Imaginary Nigerian Prince

Sun Draft Nigerian Prince
“Very nice to meet you Mr. Goodell. Tell me where I can find the Sons of Phoenix.”

BROOKLYN, NY — After a first round full of mystifying draft picks and trades, the Phoenix Suns managed to top their own ineptitude in the second round. With the 32nd pick in the NBA Draft, the Suns shocked the league by selecting Mfula Okonkwo from Nigeria. Adam Silver was noticeably unprepared to announce Okonkwo, as he stumbled through the pronunciation of the African’s name. Not only was Mfula not invited to the draft, he wasn’t even on many teams’ radar. In fact, there’s very little information on the player at all. The Nigerian’s draft profile states that he is a 6’11 230 lbs “point guard” and had previously played ball for the “American Way International School of the United States.” His stat line claims he averaged 34 points, 11 rebounds, and 8 assists a game in domestic play. Despite those dominant statistics, it is astonishing that the Suns would waste a high second rounder on the mysterious Okonkwo.

Further investigation into Mfula has raised more questions than it has answered. Okonkwo’s alleged birth place of “Jamabo” cannot be located on any modern map of Nigeria. The closest city resembling the description of “Jamabo” is Juba in South Sudan, approximately 3,500 miles away. Because of this, we could not verify the claim of whether or not Okonkwo is indeed, a Nigerian prince, as his profile states. Another inconsistency with the Nigerian’s backstory is his genealogy. Okonkwo’s biography states that he is the son of Olympic hurdler, Mercy Chanda, and Olympic sprinter, Siamachoko Okonkwo. The official Olympic records of Nigerian participants do not list either of his parents’ names on any certified rosters.

Anonymous sources within the organization claim Okonkwo showed up their radar after a self-described “associate of Danny Ainge” approached a Phoenix scout at a University of Arizona practice in 2017. The man claimed to be an “unofficial scout for the Boston Celtics in his native Africa.” After some friendly banter with the Suns’ scout, the African man discussed his recent trip to Nigeria, where he claims he observed an intriguing point guard prospect. The Suns scout showed interested, which prompted the African “scout” to present the Phoenix employee with a VCR tape labeled: “Okonkwu Highlite Taep.” The Boston associate told the Suns official that he was willing to share his tape because “at the end of the day, all he wants is to see his fellow Africans’ succeed.” The man then walked off.

Okonkwo’s highlight tape was preceded by the first 15 mins of “The One with the Flashback,” a 1996 episode of Friends. The producer of this particular VCR had apparently decided to tape Okonkwo’s highlights over the Friends’ episode. The actual video of Mfula playing was so grainy that it was almost impossible to analyze his performance. The video quality was more akin to the Patterson-Gimlin Big Foot film than a modern highlight reel.

Finally, the Suns organization never spoke to Okonkwo directly, only to his agents through a Nigerian video chat app. The stipulations regarding the player’s signing were also highly unusual. Okonkwo’s agents demanded the Suns convert his entire rookie contract salary into Bitcoins and deposit it up front in a secure Bitcoin wallet. The Suns are still waiting for their Nigerian prince to report to training.