Southern Chicago Tech: Basketball Powerhouse?
CHICAGO, IL — Recruiting is an essential part of success at the collegiate level. That much is evident. Duke basketball and Alabama football didn’t just fortuitously stumble into dynastic success. These programs were meticulously constructed by two of the greatest coaches in the history of sports. However, what happens when you don’t have one of the all-time greats as a head coach? How do you get started down the road to lasting success?
This is a question Southern Chicago Technical Institute is struggling to answer. The technical institute located in the heart of South Side, Chicago is making the jump to Division 1 basketball for the start of the 2019-2020 season. The school’s administration vowed to raise more capital after their initial request to participate in Division 1 athletics was denied by the NCAA. Their second application was accepted in April after the school exceeded the NCAA’s minimum bribe threshold. Southern Chicago Tech will join the Jimmy Cheese Steak Conference (formerly the Horizon League before the NCAA allowed organizations to purchase conference naming rights). Despite being a fledgling program, the school’s administration already has grandiose plans to dominate the Jimmy Cheese Steak for years to come. In conjunction with the athletic director, newly hired head coach, Gumbo Junkus, has outlined a plan to get the Southern Chicago Tech Gremlins into the NCAA Tournament in three years, an almost unprecedented feat for a new Division 1 school.
While Gumbo has no direct head coaching experience, he has been a regular fixture on the college basketball sidelines for over two decades. The decorated assistant has coached under Larry Brown, John Calipari, and most recently, Rick Pitino. Gumbo has earned a reputation as successful, but controversial recruiter. Junkus was reportedly known as Pitino’s “money and whores guy” during his time at Louisville. He was also caught up in a scandal where he allegedly kidnapped a recruit’s dog. Phone records appear to show Gumbo telling the unnamed recruit to “commit or I’ll drop Fido into an alligator farm.” The assistant claims the whole incident was a joke blown out of proportion. The lawsuit was settled for an undisclosed amount outside of court.
Gumbo has planned to pioneer new recruiting methods to bring top talent to the Chicago-based technical institute.
“We can’t compete with the resources of big schools on paper. But off the books, I think we can come up with some pretty convincing reasons for prospects to come to Southern Chicago Tech.”
The coach has recently facilitated the hiring of a five-star recruit’s (Javorius Sprinkle) entire nuclear family at the college. The legality of this has been a gray-area in the NCAA rules. Missouri coach Cuonzo Martin hired Michael Porter Sr. as an assistant coach. Shortly after, Michael Porter’s two highly touted sons, Michael Porter Jr. and Jontay Porter, committed to the Tigers. However, no coach has tested the boundaries on this rule quite like Junkus.
“Javorius’s family members are all highly talented individuals that the administration of Southern Chicago Tech was interested in brining on, prior to his development as an outstanding basketball player. Anything contrary to this is a sinister lie perpetrated by other basketball programs.”
Taking a page from Alabama football’s playbook, Gumbo has also vowed to identify talented prospects earlier in their careers. Southern Chicago Tech staff have been seen prowling the sidelines of elementary school rec league games. Last week, they offered their first scholarship to 3rd grader, Timmy Schuster. Timmy gave Gumbo a verbal commitment and became the first recruit to commit in the 2028 class.
Junkus has also pressed the school’s administration to divert some of the talent and funding from Southern Chicago Tech’s world-renowned biomedical program to aid recruiting efforts. Gumbo believes that embryonic research could help the program effectively identify elite talent in the womb. Therefore, Coach Junkus would be able to extend scholarship offers to parents before their child is even born.
“We might not be the best offer their son gets, but damn it, we will be the first.”
Gumbo recommends the school cut funding to their cancer research society in order to accommodate his experimental recruiting method.
The Gremlins are all in when it comes to becoming NCAA basketball’s next powerhouse. Only the crippling NCAA sanctions of a Gumbo Junkus departure could stall Southern Chicago Tech’s destiny.